“…erotic pleasure is a gift, and can be a positive joy to people at every age.” – Judith Levine.
Beginning school is a crucial time in a child’s life, especially for those who have little experience with other children (no brothers or sisters and no preschool or kindergarten), but it’s an important time even for children with extensive social experience but no preparation for the sometimes stressful environment of organized instruction. This post describes some of the general needs young children have during this crucial period, as well as some ways to protect children from confused and unscrupulous hysterics who may try to slip shame-training into the curriculum.
Before school begins, parents should introduce the child to some structured learning activities, in order to give him a head-start in both content and methods. Reading stories and learning the alphabet and numbers are not really important in themselves at such an early age, but exposure to such activities at home will help children (especially boys) develop self-confidence and even a sense of mastery when thrust into a large group of competitive learners. Exposure to a smart phone, computer and keyboard is more useful experience to prepare for modern life, though ignored in many traditional (antiquated) first grade classrooms.
It should be obvious but many parents are unaware of the importance of getting a full night’s sleep (at least ten hours), and eating a nutritious breakfast before a child is expected to go to school. Some social skills are also essential, and they may be difficult to learn through verbal explanations alone. A child should have practical experience with children more mature and less mature, as well as of the same level.
Thrusting a child into a large group of kids without essential social skills is irresponsible and even dangerous. For example, a child needs to learn to recognize emotions in other people, especially anger, and how to avoid becoming a victim of other people’s anger (other pupils or adults). Bullying often makes use of feigned anger, so kids should learn how to identify the signs of real anger.
Nowadays many superficial adults are convinced that sexual propriety is the most important priority in life. Although in the past such an absurd idea was characteristic of cultures of the lowest educational level, there are now even “experts” in the educational establishment doing their best to dumb-down the next generation. Specially prepared pamphlets with colorful illustrations are used in some schools in an attempt to instill body shame in children.
Under the banner of “bad touch,” children are being terrorized to believe that any kind of public nudity or affectionate contact from non-parents is suspect and warrants an investigation by “higher” authorities. Worse, the trainers are telling kids that sex hysteria is not a commercial fraud or a religious/political football, but an expression of children’s freedom and independence!
In reality, when children and parents have no choice at all in what information schools impart to children, that is not freedom but coercion. One-sided sex information is not education but propaganda. Before beginning school, children should be informed about what free choice really means, how to think critically about what teachers or anybody else tells them, and that some schools have actually become an adversary to children’s freedom and autonomy.
A child today needs to learn mental self-defense: how to pretend to agree with the state-supported indoctrinators, without revealing that the child and family know very well that disagreement is not tolerated in the “freedom-loving” educational establishment. The sober reality is that some gainfully employed administrators and other politically sensitive state employees are more interested in not rocking the boat than in protecting children’s best interests.
A child’s choices are “free” when she has been informed of the existence of alternative choices and the possible consequences of different alternatives. When an adult says: “You must choose to say no to sex play,” that is not free choice. A child’s choices are independent when the child has received accurate, balanced and comprehensive sex education, and then adults leave the final decision about what to choose to the child. A child’s choices are not independent when an adult says: “Now you have all the one-sided information you need, so you must choose to say no to nudity or sex play.”
Since hysterics usually demand a rush to judgment and immediate action whenever possible, a child who is really free is also aware that she may disagree with hysterical urgency and say: ”I don’t know,” or “I’m not sure,” and postpone choices, rather than satisfying some indoctrinator’s desire to act in a politically correct manner immediately. A key symptom of hysteria is a sense of urgency, even when there is no valid evidence of an immediate risk of injury. Hysterics have less patience than preschoolers.
What makes “bad touch” discourse hysterical is not merely the deception and urgency with which it is presented, but the distorted priorities it hides. The vast majority of preventable child deaths and serious injuries have nothing to do with nudity or sexuality. But what do self-righteous hysterics focus their time and energy on? Bad touch!
By school age most children understand the difference between the truth and a lie, and that honesty is the best policy in most cases. They also know that people sometimes lie, e.g. to avoid punishment (“I didn’t do it!”). To protect children from the mass hysteria over sexual abuse, parents need to inform kids that even teachers and other adult authority figures may sometimes tell lies and do not always deserve children’s sincerity. For example, if a family enjoys social nudity in a hot tub, possibly with other parents and their children, that is not information to be shared with teachers or new playmates.
The same goes for sleeping arrangements. If family members sleep together sometimes, or if neighbor children share a bed (especially if they are nudists), that is not information to be shared outside the family, and in such cases telling a lie (“There is no nudity or bed-sharing in our house”) is wholly appropriate. Children’s buddy-massage and sex play are also their own business and nobody else’s, assuming that parents have adequately informed the children about hygiene and the safe limits of a child’s small and fragile body. In such cases telling a lie is wholly appropriate: “Yes, Sir/Ms, if anything like that ever happens at our house I’ll be sure to tell you right away!”
The child most vulnerable to deception is one who mistakenly believes that authorities always tell the truth and always know what’s best. In contrast, a well-informed child knows that many adults not only make mistakes but may even use tricks to deceive a child to violate a family’s privacy. For example, “Your parents/friends told me your secret, so now you have to tell.” Or a child may be singled out as “suspect” and be privately told “We teachers love nudity and sex play at our house,” when in reality they are merely trying to trick the child into a “confession.” A child’s appropriate response to such attempts at trickery is to tell a lie: “I don’t have any secrets.”
In an ideal world, such subterfuge would not be necessary, but every parent has a responsibility to prepare children for the real world. There is no need to terrorize kids, as the hysterics do, by revealing the real-life nightmares promoted by the agenda of sex hysteria: parents falsely accused of sexual abuse or “pornography” and children taken away, kids deceived and forced to testify against their parents under the guise of helping to reunify the family, etc., but the need for mental self-defense is very real today and should not be underestimated.
See the bibliography below to become a well-informed parent. A child should be aware that just as some children have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy, so do some adults mistakenly believe there are monsters under every bed. Let this be the legacy of bad touch education: It helped drive another nail in the coffin of sex hysteria.
Levine, Judith. Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex. University of Minnesota Press, 2002.
Tobin, Joseph. Making a Place for Pleasure in Early Childhood Education. Yale University Press, 1997.
Gardener, Richard A. Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited. Creative Therapeutics, 1991.
See also this review of school-based programs: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD004380.pub2/abstract;jsessionid=8D1AD11238508DA4DEA095B948334F82.d01t01